By Susan Ellis of KeyLifeJourneys  
 

It was Thursday. The weekend was coming. I needed everything that a doctor could give me to be at my disposal. Tammy had been talking about not feeling good but she could not describe it as pain. Over the phone I shared with him the problem with the restless nights. The doctor agreed that subcutaneous medication was called for. He would prescribe a major tranquillizer – the sort used to treat schizophrenia and also an opiate derivative for pain. The nurse would insert a needle under the skin and through a port I would be able to inject measured doses. Everything needed would arrive that afternoon.

Our very capable 8am-1pm shift Personal Support Worker (PSW) was available and was willing to extend her shifts to 5pm on the Thursday and Friday.

The RN came on her regular visit in the morning, assessed the situation and ultimately inserted a urinary catheter. Tammy was in and out of consciousness at this time and we knew she would be staying in bed from now on. At one point while she was sitting with her feet dangling over the bed I suggested that I phone the vet and set the appointment for the next day, Friday, to have Scottie put to sleep. Tammy nodded. I made the phone call.

Throughout this whole journey two issues were disturbing Tammy. Making sure I was okay after she was gone – since she had had such a great need to look after me. The second was ensuring the cat did not suffer. Part of her had wanted Scottie there with her to the end and that is what we had ultimately agreed on. I had promised to have Scottie euthenized straight away Tammy’s passing. But although Tammy was no longer able to give Scottie any attention I knew the cat was still on Tammy’s mind. Scottie slept peacefully on Tammy’s bed. The other motivating thought in my mind was that the weekend was coming. I felt sure Tammy would die over the weekend and what if the cat was left alone before the vet was able to come? The appointment was made for 4pm Friday.

Later the nurse came and Tammy did not register when the needle went in. The nurse loaded syringes and taught me how to proceed. I was reticent about the tranquillizer. My career had been in mental health, I had seen the adverse effects these medications have on people. How would Tammy react? I made the decision that the opiate would be used alone. My friend Jane was with me as I did that evening shift.

Our Thursday night PSW generally was with Tammy just the one night a week. She had not seen Tammy for a week. She was shocked by the deterioration she saw. It is at times like this that you see the caring and attachment that workers can have for their clients. Jane and I decided to spend the night. The three of us working together to ensure that in Tammy’s semi conscious and unconscious awareness that she was not alone, that she was touched and held and loved.